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Ghosts in the Bedroom: A Guide for the Partners of Incest Survivors

LI>As the partner of an incest survivor, do you feel like a neglected victim even though your life has been drastically affected by the aftermath of sexual abuse?

Do you fee left out in the cold as you watch them go through recovery? Do you feel isolated or rejected, and think that no one else will understand your problems?Although the impact of incest or sexual abuse can destroy relationships and test long-standing commitments, the information in this book may be the key to holding your relationship together through the journey to recovery. Ghosts in the Bedroom provides comfort and guidance for partners in the process of recovery. Graber draws from personal experience to show how partners can accept responsibility for their own issues, support the recovery of the incest or sexual abuse survivor and work toward solving relationship problems together. Summary: A lot of Help!Rating: 4Helps to understand what you are experiencing as a partner of a survivor. I highly recommend this and What About Me. Summary: Not quite what I thought it would beRating: 3The title of this book is misleading. Only about 10% of the book is targeted toward partners of incest survivors and not childhood sexual abuse survivors in general, and it isn't a very long book. A lot of the issues I thought a book for partners of incest survivors in specific would discuss weren't addressed or only grazed on. I didn't feel like it had a lot of sound and non-obvious advice for helping my partner deal with some of his more complicated emotions or my own feelings in regards to his abuse. I felt like a lot of the book was just repeatedly saying, "Be careful, don't be co-dependant! You're probably co-dependant if you were attracted to a victim of sexual abuse! In fact you probably were abused yourself! Reading books alone won't help you, get into a 12 steps program or see a therapist!" as far as your own emotions went and as far as helping your partner it could be summed up as, "Don't be needlessly harsh, cruel, and insensitive!" Aside from that the focus seemed narrowly set on survivors who were traumatically abused by parents. The only mention of sibling-sibling abuse seemed to write it off as more likely than not harmless if the children were in a similar age range, downplaying the potential for damage if the abuser is only a few years older and things were fairly consensually even if the younger sibling was being robbed of a well-paced sexual development. Other issues only briefly mentioned were the complex emotions partners might have to face when interacting with the involved family member(s) once they've obtained knowledge of the abuse and seeing their partner continue to remain close with their abusers, survivors still having unwanted lingering attractions to their abusers, and the emotions of survivors who never repressed the memory and felt abandoned when they got old enough that abuse ceased. Overall I would have to say the book didn't help me very much, I wouldn't really recommend it unless I knew a person was having trouble understanding the facts and misdirecting their anger about the events on their partner instead of their partner's abuser. Summary: Not the best book to start with......Rating: 2I think anyone considering this as a starting point is way off.I am a partner of a survivor. There are three books which I have read at this point. "What about me" and "Allies in healing". I feel that these latter two were the books which I gained the most from. This book is very clinical in it's approach.Great for a threrapist. Not good for the reader. The other two mentioned come from a much more human place. "Me?" is written by the partner of a survivor, "Allies" by an authority on the subject and a survivor herself. Do yourself a favor, start with one of the other two, then come back to this one. After all, it is all about arming ourselves with info isn't it? Read them all, just read this one last. Summary: FantasticRating: 5This is a fantastic book for couples where one has been through abuse. I rate this book very high. Easy to read and to understand. Excellent resource.Also let me recommend for those abused: Nightmares Echo, Beauty For Ashes and Lost Boy. Summary: A must-read for partners of incest survivorsRating: 5Being a survivor myself, and suffering from several mental illnesses, including Dissociative Identity Disorder, I was married eight years before my husband decided to talk with my current therapist and figure out things like: Why I can't just get over it or Why, when having a flashback, I can't simply say, "Oh, this is nothing but my imagination." My therapist recommended this book to him. At first, the book seemed a bit on the old side, but as we read, we discovered many nuggets and wonderment within. This book will explain to partners of incest survivors what the process is (internally) in dealing with trauma, the stages, how to get over their own denials and feelings, how to deal with a strained sex life, dealing with core issues, problem areas, children, transference, the traits of an abuser, the traits of a survivor, getting and staying healthy, finding partner's support groups, etc. My personal favorite chapter is the one on understanding the survivor. It talks of every kind of characteristic from low sex drive to self-harm to eating disorders and beyond. This book is an asset to anyone interested in truama, but a MUST for anyone married to or seeing someone who's encountered incest of any sort. Highly recommended! :v)

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