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William Ury -

William Ury's latest book provides excellent and usable negotiation tips for anyone who hates to say no.

William Ury has written an excellent book of negotiating skills that is relevant to everyday life. The Power of a Positive No is an effective how-to of negotiating tips for anyone who has ever said yes, when they really wanted to say no but were afraid of the consequences. Ury shows us a step by step negotiation approach to saying no that is easy to follow, provides us with insight about our true interests, and can lead to a win/win for all concerned.

The Difficulty of Saying No

Ury describes the word no this way: "The most powerful and needed word in the language today is also potentially the most destructive and, for many people, the hardest to say." Because we fear losing favor in relationships, both personal and professional, we don't like to say no. Saying no engages a conflict between exercising our power for our own self-interests and tending to our relationships.

Therefore, we tend to:

Accommodate by saying yes when we really wanted to say no,

Attack by saying no poorly and triggering a conflict, or

Avoid by not addressing the issue at all.

Ury calls this the Three-A Trap: Accommodate, Attack, Avoid.

How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

When faced with saying a difficult no, use Ury's clever three part reminder for giving a positive no: the three word phrase is, Yes! No. Yes?

The first Yes! is a reminder to reflect on what is in your best interest. What do you value that you want to protect by saying no? Perhaps you fear impacting your valued family time if you say yes to your boss's request that you take on a new job involving lots of travel.

This short period of reflection grounds your subsequent no in something positive that is important to you.

Saying No Without Fear or Guilt

Now that you've uncovered the positive foundation for your no, it is time to develop a plan B. What if the requestor refuses to accept your no? You must commit to an action you're prepared to take in that case. Otherwise, your no will sound tentative and be interpreted as a prelude to acceptance.

Commitment to your plan B gives you confidence and power. You know what you will do if the person making the request of you refuses to accept your no. But take some time to make sure your no is stated in a respectful way and is centered on the self-interests you are trying to protect. You don't want to attack the requestor. You want to reflect that your no is a matter of honoring something very important to you.

In the example above, you might say, "Thank you so much for considering me for this new job. I'm flattered and pleased that you thought of me. But I must decline because I've committed to my wife that I will not travel extensively while our children are small and require so much parenting effort."

Your plan B might be an appeal to human resources should your boss resist your no.

Gaining Acceptance with Yes?

After you've said your committed and respectful no, it's time to suggest an alternative. This is the Yes? A positive request to consider another solution. In the above example, you might recommend a co-worker whom you know is eager for a new challenge and has expressed an interest in job related travel.

Saying No in a Positive Way

The Power of a Positive No provides a confidence boosting strategy for anyone who has succumbed to unwanted requests by reluctantly saying yes and then being resentful. Ury's experience as a world-wide negotiator gives credibility to this Yes! No. Yes? strategy.

& 8220;Review

"William Ury brings a marvelous blend of experience, insight, integrity and warmth to his work. In this wonderful book he teaches us how to say No-with grace and effect-so that we might create even better Yes".-Jim Collins, author Good to Great

"Almost any brief comment on The Power of a Positive No would be trite. Suffice it to say that if I'd had and used this book for the last 25 years, I would have doubtless avoided innumerable heartaches and headaches and tattered personal and professional relationships. 'Original' is an embarrassingly overused word on book dust jackets, but, simply, this all-important book stands alone on a subject that underpins, like no other, jndividual and organizational effectiveness."-Tom Peters, author of In search of Excellence

"The world's biggest shared secret is that most of us say yes when we really want to say no, in both our professional and private lives. Bill Ury generously provides us with insights and techniques to turn this malady into win-win solutions. This is a wise and powerful book."-John Naisbitt, author of Megatrends

"No matter whether you are negotiating compensation with the toughest CFO or a curfew for your teenager, this book teaches us a critical and counterintuitive lesson. You can say no and still be nice. Simple, straightforward and easy to read, The Power of a Positive No is a YES on our reading list."-Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval, authors of The Power of Nice: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness & 8221;

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