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Jane Middelton-Moz “Shame & Guilt: Masters of Disguise"

"It is my feeling that debilitating shame and guilt are at the root of all dysfunctions in families," says Jane Middelton-Moz.

A few common characteristics of adults shamed in childhood:

You may suffer extreme shyness, embarrassment and feelings of being inferior to others. You don't believe you make mistakes, you believe you are a mistake. You feel controlled from the outside and from within. You feel that normal spontaneous expression is blocked. You may suffer from debilitating guilt; you apologize constantly. You have little sense of emotional boundaries; you feel constantly violated by others; you frequently build false boundaries.If you see yourself in any of these characteristics, you can learn how shame keeps you from being the person you were born to be and how to change that. Shame And Guilt describes how debilitating shame is created and fostered in childhood and how it manifests itself in adulthood and in intimate relationships. Through the use of myths and fairytales to portray different shaming environments, Dr. Middelton-Moz allows you to reach the shamed child within you and to add clarity to what could be difficult concepts. Read Shame and Guilt - you're worth it. Summary: A Good Introduction to the TopicRating: 3You will need more than this book if you want to work on debilitating guilt and shame. The book does a good job of explaining the difference between guilt and shame and how both lead to anxiety. It also provides somewhat helpful scenarios that show the difference between shaming and non-shaming families. I found that the end focused too much on unhealthy spousal relationships. I wish the book had gone into more detail about the different strategies children learn to survive in shaming families and also keep parts of themselves. I didn't see my marriage in any of these scenarios because I was self-aware and sought out people with whom I could be whole. I was lonely otherwise. That said, shame and guilt are always present with me. Which leads me to my other suggestion for the book. It didn't do much to explain how to go about unburdening oneself from excessive shame and guilt. At the end, I was disappointed and left with a feeling of "now what do I do?" So, I think this is a good book to start with, but that it is necessary to have other books that deal with the subject from different angles and perspectives, and also books that deal with the practical steps one can take to deal with shame and guilt. Summary: Long OverdueRating: 4Understanding the difference between shame and guilt is essential in a narcissistic culture. Now I am waiting for the second part: what to do in a shameless society where entitlement and a lack of accountability, respect, or personal pride are the benchmarks of "Postmodernism." Summary: GreatRating: 5This small book is about much more than the difference between shame and guilt. It is about degrees of shame (to the point of debilitating shame), ways that children are shamed, the consequences, characteristics of adults shamed as children and a lot more. One specific topic that I found extremely interesting was the explanation of grandiosity as a response to debilitating shame, which makes this book required reading for people with this symptom (such as alcoholics and families; bipolars may also benefit). Great condensed book. Summary: Excellent bookRating: 5I read this book cover to cover and I plan reading it again. The author does and excellent job of explaining how shame and guilt are transmitted across generations and how shame effects people. I especially like the fable she use in chapter one to illustrate the giant chameleon and perfect personalities and how they interact in a family. The illustration of Giant and Chameleon on oposite ends of the spectrum and the human being in the healthy middle was very insightful. I also liked the example she gave of how a shaming family handled a dispute between there sons and how a nonshaming healthy family does it. Summary: Couldn't Put It Down: Full of InsightRating: 5Never really thought about the difference between shame and guilt until I read this book. Guilt being when we blame our behavior in a given circumstance and shame being when we judge our very being. It has made me think twice about how I parent my own children and discipline their behavior. Eye-opening !

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