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Getting Into Heaven (1970)

DVDRip | XviD @ 897kbps | 29fps | 640 x 480 | English MP3 (128) | no subs | 87min | 650MB + 5%

Genre: Comedy | Adventure

She was born too soon to become Arnold Schwarzenegger’s perfect leading lady, and too late to be a calendar pin-up babe for the Third Reich. So she wound up in Hollywood, USA, making tons of nudie pics for Russ Meyer, Harry Novak, and other girlie-show showmen. Aryan goddess Uschi Digard is billed as “Marie Marceau” in this sex-lite comedy best described as frothy and frolicsome except that the women in this picture are naked and having simulated sex with deformed looking men.

The aptly named Heaven (Miss Digard) lives with Sin (Jennie Lynn) in L.A. and both want to be “movie stars.” You betcha. They have no talent other than very velvety and talented bodies, and no visible means of support with the exception of their bra straps. Therefore, they aim their lethal weapons as Mr. Salacity (Miles White), a good natured sex maniac film producer. (Webster’s defines “salacity” as “obscene lecher.”) In her sexplosive prime, Uschi radiated a wholesome, fresh air and sunshine sexuality no matter how sleaze filled the movie. I don’t know much about Uschi’s private life but I have the impression that she’s a nudist in real life just from closely (very closely) studying her body language in her films. Getting into Heaven is a good, if harmless, vehicle for her erotic talents, especially when she’s on top, which seems to be her favorite position. The simulated sex is well photographed in bright colors by co-producer JAMES SOMICH and Uschi looks as good here as she did in her Russ Meyer movies.

While scheming to get a film part, Uschi picks up Bernie (SCOTT CAMERON), a semi-retarded, momma’s boy police officer, whom she devirginizes. Their odd relationship doesn’t prevent her, Sin, and their slinky blonde friend, Karen (PHYLLIS STANGEL), from trying to screw Salacity into giving them movie roles. The plan splatters in their faces when Salacity, who has nuts the size of watermelons, boffs all three to exhaustion, round robin style, over fifty times each and is still ridiculously hot for more. Ultimately, they get their big break when the kidnap scheme inspires him to base a movie about a guy held captive by crazed nymphos. That’s basically it for plot, but as Dave Friedman has said many times about sex movies, “If ya want plot, go buy Gone with the Wind.” Uschi is in nearly every frame, and is boob n’ butt naked most of the time, so this is a very collectible title for diehard Digard fans as well as overall devotees of ’60s big tit mammas.

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